About Cycle 3

I am feeling super excited because my Cycle 3 of photoshoots have just been shot. Last Friday I traveled to Trinidad and Tobago to work with my team to create some content for my Onlyfans and my Insta.

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(Here's a lil' selfie of me on the plane, I was super happy because the entire row was empty and also the row next to me, so it felt super private 😂)

We had quite a few interesting concepts and I just wanted to tell you all about them! 🥰

First of all, people are always asking me if I am Indian. To me it is pretty obvious that I am, however I have been into fitness since I was old enough to understand musculature , and I always had a naturally big butt. I was always aware of what society deemed to be the “ideal” feminine form, so I’ve always exercised and been conscious of my size and weight and this makes my body type very unique and sometimes confusing. I’ve often been told I don't look like a typical Indian woman. I also have wavy hair sometimes. So, I figured, why not do an Indian themed photoshoot? And maybe caption it, “Yes, I’m Indian.” 🤣

For longer than I could remember, I have run from my culture. My reasons were simple. My parents made me start attending temple from age of 9 - 12 . At this point in my life, I was already a straight A student and the top of my academic classes. My reward for the week was spending Sunday mornings watching cartoons on local television, while indulging in a chocolate kiss cake.

For those of you who don't know, the chocolate kiss cake is a packet with two chocolate cupcakes in it, which has cream filling on the inside and is topped with a chocolate icing with a white swirly design in a straight line across the diameter of the cake. It's from the KISS factory, hence the kiss name. Refer to the image below.

First I'd peel the icing off the cake and set it aside for later, then I'd dig out all of the cream in the center of the cupcakes and set it aside for later, and lastly, I'd begin eating the chocolate cake part, which was the least tasty part, so I could work my way to sweeter and sweeter, leaving the icing for last. When I finished this kiss cake, I'd go to the kitchen sink pipe, and fill the adjoining twin plastic cup holders which held the cupcakes with water, and I'd drink from one side, and then tip the second cup over to cascade the water into the first cup and drink it like a fountain to quench the diabetic thirst induced by this cupcake. It was a lovely time, you had to be there! While savoring this kiss cake, I'd watch Static Shock, Batman, Justice League, Teen Titans and a few others. That was my prize.

Now, I had to miss these shows, and my kiss cake ritual (because egg was an ingredient 😒 and as a Hindu you have to fast from meat and alcohol that day if you're going to temple), for the rest of my life, to attend temple and sing in Hindi; words I didn't quite understand or have an appreciation for yet.

I then passed for my second choice in high school…I know I know, how did I pass for my second choice if I was a straight A student? Well, I had performance anxiety the day of the major exams, and I also ate some oily pizza bread box lunch and the pencil was slipping from my hand so I lost a lot of time trying to grip my pencil in the exams but my fingers kept sliding down as I wrote, cutting down on my writing time. My second choice, unfortunately, was a Hindu school. Here I was trying to defy my culture on a Sunday and now I had to go live it every day for the next 7 years... with 5 hindi prayers a day. 😅 I suppose it was a combination of these two events which made me even angrier. I rolled my eyes every time something in Hindi came up. But now, having run so far away from my culture, it seems as though it has people wondering where I come from.

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Theme 1: "Desi"

Over the years there have been so many requests from my online community for me to wear Indian attire, and when I reflect on this, I feel saddened that I haven't obliged even sooner. But, nothing before its time. And that time is finally here. We did not one, not two, but three Indian/Desi looks this shoot cycle as one theme. For these looks I had some thoughts of the tiers I wanted to hit:

1) For my first look, I wanted a simple, blush pink, mesh, modest saree with a matching top. This is simply because I come from humble beginnings and in my earlier days I'd save up and buy the cloth and have it sewn by a seamstress and it would be extremely budget friendly. There is beauty in simplicity, and I never want to forget where I came from. I always like doing the bare minimum experiences to stay in touch with this side of my past. Very simple living, what an everyday, casual, saree look would be. The color was chosen as it's one of my boyfriend's favorite colors he likes to see on me. I love to always incorporate a secret love letter or gesture for him in my work whenever I can. However, despite my team’s best efforts, they couldn’t source the exact shade of pink I had in mind which would work well with my complexion, and when we did find the right shade, the fabric stores either didn’t have the length of fabric we needed (9 yards), or they were the wrong type of fabric (not sheer and very thick and heavy). I was on the phone via Facetime and Whatsapp video calls the entire time they were shopping, so basically I was virtually shopping. My assistant, my director and her mom (who bartered so much on my behalf, thank you aunty!) and my stylist all went to at least 4 different locations while I tagged along virtually.

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At this exact point in time, I had been working nonstop in the sales department of my Onlyfans that week generating revenue to pay my team for Cycle 3, driving subscriptions and growing my social media simultaneously by posting as close to daily as possible and engaging on all platforms, and also planning and discussing every intricate detail with my director for the upcoming cycle, having finance meetings with my accountant, pitching a brand deal to a company that approached me to influence for them, and redesigning the layout of my office to facilitate more mirror selfies (a request from my Onlyfans subscribers), and it was so intense working online that I forgot to eat and move my body for days at a time, for a few weeks. Shopping, even if virtually, is often a painful experience for me because I experience something called decision fatigue. I'll describe decision fatigue just in case you guys think I am making this up 😂

According to Chat GPT:

Decision fatigue refers to the deteriorating quality of decisions made by an individual after a long session of decision-making. It is a psychological phenomenon where the more decisions you make, the more your cognitive resources get depleted, making you less effective in making subsequent decisions.

This can lead to:

1. Impaired Judgment: You may make impulsive choices or opt for the easiest option rather than the best one.

2. Procrastination: Putting off decisions or avoiding them altogether because the mental energy required is overwhelming.

3. Reduced Willpower: Increased susceptibility to temptation, as resisting urges becomes harder when you're mentally fatigued.

   
   

I make so many decisions on a daily basis that it gets overwhelming sometimes. I didn’t want the shopping to drag on any longer. To be exact, the virtual shopping lasted 5 hours of interruption to my work flow to facilitate video calls with multiple options and bartering on my Sunday evening (zero days off literally), and an additional 30 mins on a video call 2 days later, also in the evening. My brain is mush by the time evenings roll around, especially if I had a 5am start that day.

Eventually, we settled for a yellow saree instead. I silently promised I would find something pink for my next cycle’s romantic gesture, as my director and I smiled knowing that this shade of Mango Yellow in particular would be perfect! (And it was)

 2) For my second look, I sported a burgundy-purple decadent lehenga (skirt and top) with intricate designs. The top is super sexy (of course) and fitted and the skirt is huge and fans out. The shawl is see-through and has some frilly gatherings on the border. This one, my team placed lots of flowers and props onto the set, as we intend to use this footage on my Instagram for Diwali this year (October 31st). My outfit may have caught on fire for this one. 🤣 Oh, the things us creatives do for the perfect shot! I was a bit saddened when a hole was burned into the sheer nylon shawl, as it was the most expensive outfit I bought for these looks and I want to rewear this lehenga for a wedding next year! But, the photos and videos were worth it, and to be fair, I can just cut it out with a pair of scissors as my photographer caught the flame very quickly and sprung into action to put it out. In the end, I made my peace with it by telling myself, “It could be a funny conversation starter at the wedding.” I don’t even know that anyone would notice, but I know it’s there and those things tend to bother me way more than it should! 

The hairstyle for this look was very innocent, with a long braided ponytail with flowers, and I felt like such a wolf in sheep's clothing 😂 I felt like an imposter; Me- if I was a good child who just went to temple and behaved instead of protesting that I had my period every Sunday (because the lovely loophole in my culture is once you have your period you're deemed as impure and can't participate in rituals because you're "not clean") and pretending to sleep in so I would get left behind. (My resistance sometimes worked, but it never came easy!).

Looking in the mirror, I also felt stunned...I went to a school where most of the students were extremely well off, and I drastically wasn't. I wondered, "Is this how I would dressed if I was born with a silver spoon?" An outfit like this I felt was out of my reach, for maybe the first 25 years of my life. It was the definition of decadent. And, even though we got it for a steal of a deal price, on social media the price would be very perceptive, especially given how well produced it was in terms of media quality.

In all seriousness, I have never seen myself in such a stunning lehenga and I wished I wasn't so caught up in my rebellion and warmed up to it sooner because I feel as though I have been missing out big time with Desi fashion.

3) For my third look I wanted something that was my twist on Indo-Trinidadian. Not a traditional Indian look, but a sexy Desi look, with an element of culture representative of the results of diaspora and the mixing of two cultures to create an entirely new blend. A rich blue sari, with gold embellishments. However, the wow factor isn't in the sari, but in the sari top. When imagining what I would have been like if I didn’t run from my culture, I asked myself, “Well, what would be my style/personality in a saree?” And this vision just came to me. Instead of a traditional saree top, I wanted to use a wire bra-the kind used in Trinidadian Carnival.

I told my director what I wanted and she sent me many options. The one I loved the most was gold with intricate designs and covered until the belly button area, worn by Nailah Blackman, one of my favorite Trinidadian soca singers, and designed by Definitely Designs. It was too long and I’m a short person (5' 1"), so it had to be one that didn’t cover my torso and fit more like a bra. My director then reached out to that very same designer and asked her if she would make a custom fit for my body type, and she was happy to oblige!

Once we saw the top, I saw Onlyfans potential and I knew my fans would be so happy if I gave them some content in this outfit…mainly because when I played mas as an “absolut VIP frontliner” in the Panthera section with Bliss last year with these massive wings and a beautiful cut blue bedazzled costume, I had bought my costume, paid the full price and wore it to actually play mas (alone too I might add) instead of create content with it. In hindsight, I should have bought the costume just to shoot it because my wings got destroyed within the first hour.

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My fans were so upset and disappointed that it was for real life and there was no media with any real intention tailored for Onlyfans with the costume.

I may not play mas again for some time as I broke my leg shortly after this and it just hasn’t been the same… but then again, I did have a physiotherapy session a few days ago (25th September 2024) and my physiotherapist was so happy because I showed some major improvement due to my therapy. So, you never know. I digress.

Once I saw the vision for my Onlyfans, I also asked for a matching underwear so we can transition this look from Desi to Onlyfans 🥰 I didn’t want to risk it with Wonderful World because I didn't think we would find a closer match than the leftover fabric the designer would already have making it a perfect match. So said, so done.

I landed at 9pm and the very next day, I went to the designer’s office and did a fitting for the bra, and measurements for the bottoms. It was the PERFECT fit. I was mesmerized. I have no regrets about this one because when the footage drops you’ll understand what all the hype is about. My boyfriend Travis saw the behind the scenes (BTS) footage and he dubbed this look my best look of all time across Instagram and Onlyfans! I, myself, am obsessed with how good it all came together. It’s hands down my favorite concept from my entire career as a content creator. It will be hard to top this one. Moving forward, I am definitely going to have custom designs done and shoot more of this content. There will be pay-per-views on Onlyfans for this look of course because this is how I am able to fund all of these shoots 🤣😅

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Theme 2: "4 years Onlyfans anniversary"

The second theme we are shooting will be for my 4th Onlyfans anniversary photoshoot. On November 1st, 2024, it will be 4 years since I joined Onlyfans and with the exception of last year, for the most part, I have consistently remained in the top 1% of creators. As of today it’s 1.9% but I’ve been working on getting it back to 1% by November 1st and that’s more than likely going to happen with the current trajectory I am on. I just have to put in the work.

Proof ^ (This is my current profile pic on OF too, only just changed it today as Pearls and Honey is currently being released)

We are keeping it super simple this year, with a dress and some balloons.

"The vibe I want is like in that Beyoncé song where she sings, 'On her demon time she might start an Onlyfans,'" I said to my creative director.

"That can actually be the song for the reel, it would be perfect" She remarked.

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Theme 3: "Clouds"

The third theme we are shooting will be a concept with some clouds and lingerie for my Onlyfans. I thought a nice caption for one of these would be “ Silver Linings”, "Head in the Clouds" and “Cloud 9”. If you can think of more, feel free to leave them in my comment section! On this set, I was trying so hard to loosen up because it was the first shoot for this cycle and I hadn’t had the time to exercise or even move my body for maybe 3 weeks prior to this moment. My hairdresser has a background in dance, and was able to mime to me some movements to mimic. She suggested I do a V shape with my legs and my arms on top of this tiny cuboid shaped podium, to which I was happy to oblige. I thought I had it because in the grand scheme, I may not have worked out the past few weeks but my body is pretty strong and tight from years of fitness (I used to be the head of aerobics and yoga as a 12-18 year old in high school extra-curricular classes). Well, the curvature of my butt ensured that I lost my balance and very quickly I fell backwards pivoting on the edge/corner behind me! My legs flung up in the air before my very own eyes and I was so traumatized from my previous injury (broken leg 17 months ago) that my honest reflex was to keep my knees hyper straightened out as I fell 🤣

My crew caught that one on camera, and it was so funny!

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Theme 4: "Halloween"

🤣Lastly, we shot a fourth concept for Halloween. I am using my Playboy bunny costume because I bought it last year and never shot it how I really wanted to. My Playboy page, admittedly, needs a little bit more love. I find that the interface is a bit more difficult than Onlyfans and there are way too many different tiers. Sometimes I don’t have the time to really strategize. However, I do love Playboy as a brand. And I love, love, love the bunny costume. I watched both seasons of Secrets of Playboy on Amazon Prime and was in love with how progressive, modern, artistic and creative Hugh Hefner was to take something from his living room which was quite against the white picketed fence which was sold as ‘The American Dream’ to an international sensation revolutionizing sex culture and curiosity. It truly was fascinating how influential a brand could be. It’s ballsy and bold. In many ways, I can relate, as I am an Indo-Trinidadian woman who comes from an extremely conservative culture, who isn’t afraid to embrace sex appeal and live a sexy lifestyle.

Sexy isn’t how you look, it’s a mindset. It’s the way you carry yourself. Even when I was 15 pounds heavier than I should have been for my body type, I still carried myself confidently. Sexy is an attitude. Sexy is the conscious romanticization of every space you’re in; it’s flirting with life. Sexy is happy. Sexy is sassy. Sexy is charming. Sexy demands for you to take care of yourself- how you look is a direct indicator of your health. To be sexy, is to be free. I promise you, I’ll be sexy even when I’m 85.

For this one, my hairdresser gave me a super short hairstyle. She watched as I stood up from my chair and looked at the mirror, and reacted silently by pausing for half a second because I didn't recognize myself. It was like 🤨 . She laughed, "Vanita I saw that!!! Oh my god you didn't recognize yourself right?" I really didn't.

Later on that night, I called Travis in the parking lot and he said, "Where is the rest of your hair?" I decided to pull a prank on him. "I cut it on set." Now, the thing is...I do have footage of my hairstylist cutting my bangs on set, and some of the team members watching in shock.

So, I sent this to him. Poor guy. He was distraught! Mainly because I always told him, "Don't you ever let me cut my hair again!" I love my hair long, and I had extremely long beautiful lush hair...and I made one big chop 4 1/2 years ago after something truly traumatic happened. And, no one stopped me from chopping it off. I wished one person did. But, I suppose I needed to be someone else for a while. Ever since, it's been a journey to get my hair back to that length. It's only just gotten back to that former length, give or take a few inches. Women cut their hair when they need a change or if something drastic is about to happen. It takes patience to grow it long, especially when there are so many temptations to chop over the years. So, poor Travis was worried sick. He hung up, and paced around, needed to put on a movie, paced around some more, then called me back. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It just happened so fast! But I feel good about it!"

"Well...it looks okay. Whatever makes you happy babe."

I should have told him then and there, but it went on for 25 minutes because I wanted to see how convincing I was...I am usually a terrible liar. 🤥 He was so happy when I told him it was just pinned up 😂 I don't see myself cutting my hair anytime soon. I love my natural hair! But it was nice to see my hair short, without the consequential permanence of an actual cut.

So there you have it- a description of Cycle 3. Well, what do you think? Do you like my upcoming concepts? Which one are you most excited for?

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Initially, the intention was to do all three desi looks on the first studio day, and then the other three concepts on a second studio day. However, we ended up switching such that the desi looks would be on the second day. We chose a different and new (to me) studio on the second shoot day as it had the perfect black wall for one of the desi looks. I was so blown away by this second studio, as there was secure parking with a closed gate, there was tons of space, at least 3 different hair and makeup stations, three changing rooms, and directors’ chairs with the personalization of having the name of my personal brand Vanita95 on the back of those chairs (which I adored as it made me feel so validated as a creative), a fully equipped kitchen loaded with complimentary snacks and water. It’s a huge help. Up until now, I always took water and snacks (and food) into my hands for my team. This is a huge relief- to not have to worry about that in the future.  I felt so comfortable. I walked into that space feeling like I had made it in life 🤣It wasn’t a studio, it was a building. It was so grand… I can’t get over it. It felt very on brand for me. I love a big space. I find that when I am in big spaces, I myself think big. I will definitely use this studio again.

As I write this blog post, we are 4 days post-production. Shooting isn’t everything.  Post-production is a whole other battle. We have some strict deadlines for these concepts and I know my team won’t let me down. So, I definitely want to go through the footage from all six looks and 4 concepts, and submit my choices for editing as soon as possible, as currently I am the lag. I like to think of team work like playing tennis. I have to hit the ball out of my court as fast as possible if I want my energy to be matched. I can’t let the ball fall in my court and take too long to pick it up, or the whole project will lag.

I am really happy with how everything turned out and I cannot wait for the media to cross the finish line as "produced".

I left Trinidad on Friday 27th September, 2024. One week of production; quick in and quick out. When I first created this goal of 6 cycles in 6 months, I knew over time we would become refined enough for it to only be one week long. Cycle 1 lasted 14 days. Cycle 2 lasted 10. Cycle 3, here we are!

I landed in Nassau extremely fatigued on Friday afternoon, and sick with a flu, and took one evening off (I literally passed out on the couch for 12 hours) before resuming post-production duties (more on that later).

After this task, I have to get back into sales, release media, design my 2024 Onlyfans Black Friday sale, and post Aruba’s and Thailand’s vacation content. Life gets so crazy for me sometimes, but I am determined to leave nothing behind in my gallery… it may not always be in chronological order. I digress again.

But this blog post absolutely must end now. I just felt the urge to start back working on my website as I do love writing and I have so much to share! Let me know if you enjoyed reading this, as I’d love to come on here and write more often! I appreciate your feedback and thank you for making it this far in my update. I adore you! ♥️